Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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