how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
