hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
