You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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