You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
