Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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