just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
