So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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