Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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