Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
