I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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