u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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