shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize