he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
