Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
