I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
