Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize