you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
