Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
