the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
