Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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