at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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