new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
