i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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