if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
