He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
