I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
