maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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