I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
