It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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