I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I will die if light touches me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
