I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
