i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
