Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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