I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
