Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
