Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize