Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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