I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
