I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
