Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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