if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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