my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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