WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize