Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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