Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
