would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
