he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
