matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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