Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
