Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Fuck appropriateness.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
