Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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