Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The best revenge is premature balding
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
