drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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