Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
