What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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