I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
