That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize