If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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