me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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