my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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