y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
