She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
