he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
