I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
