who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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