I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
