just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
