no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
