I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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