I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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