how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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