If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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