She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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