Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
