Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dignity is for republicans.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
