Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
