We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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