Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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