My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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