Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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