Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
