Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
