I think i peed on brittanys purse
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
