So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Enjoy the penises
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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