Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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