i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm both gender and math confused
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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